I want to cry


I want to scream

I want to tell you mostly

I hate that I'm so afraid of everything

I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can't have

I hate that you let me go before I got even got to say goodbye

I wish that you would come back to me

I wish I were strong enough to say no to you

I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left

I need to move on says my head

I need to hold on says my heart

I need to decide says my mind

I envy the way this hasn’t hurt you at all

I envy her

I envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all

I want to hurt you

I want to be with you

I want this nightmare to be over

I wish I could make things they were before you

I wish I could change time

I wish I could change you

I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me

I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted

I need you out of my thoughts

I need you out of my heart

I need to start doing things for me

I hate that you used me

I hate that I gave you something I can never have back

I hate that I wasted it with you

I'm tired of hoping aimlessly for you

I'm tired of wanting something I can't have

I'm tired of hurting me for things that aren’t my fault

I'm sorry I was good enough

I'm sorry I defended you when everyone else was right

I'm sorry I couldn’t make you happy

Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me,

for breaking me,

for not loving me
I would want to live longer...