How often we must bear the challenges of life;


The endless roller coaster between happiness and sorrow;

The constant ups and downs of daily strife.

And always the question remains .... why?



Life is not an easy road for most;

It twists and turns with many forks in the road,

Although always, and inevitably, we are given a choice ...



Do we turn to the right ... or the left?

Do we take the high road ... or the low road?

Do we take the easy path ... or the difficult one?



Decisions are not easy for those struggling for direction ...

And sometimes the many choices and signs become overwhelming.



While standing at a crossroads in life,

The urge is to take the most comfortable path;

The road with least resistance ...

The shortest or most traveled route.



And yet, if we've been down that comfortable road before;

Have gleaned its lessons in life, and learned from our experiences;



Do we yet again follow the known?

Or does our destiny lie in another direction?



The fear of the road less traveled is tangible and all too real;

It manifests itself in many ways,

And tends to cloud the issues that might otherwise be clear.



It is in these times of confusion,

That we must seek peace and solitude;



Time to contemplate on our life,

Our experiences and our choices past;

Time to look back, and reflect on what we have learned

Without fear or confusion.



For only each of us knows our own personal thoughts;

Our unique past and personal history;

The experiences that brought us to the crossroads we now face.



We can always learn a small degree from others experiences,

And yet ... no one person can walk in our shoes,

Others know not, the trials and tribulations faced in private ...



For each is individual ... unique ... and personal.



And that is why ... while standing at a crossroads,

Only "we" can formulate the decision for ourselves;

The true direction that lies within;

The choices we must deliberate on with clarity and wisdom.



For it is only through personal reflection,

That we can now choose our destiny;

... Our next adventure;

... And the future we will embrace.
I would want to live longer...


So often people say they found their lover in their friend.


I just have to wonder if they've found a means to fit their end.

I thought I knew you for so long, but now I've come to see

That Mika is a stranger, and you don't remember me.



For the first time in my life I wanted someone I could keep-

To treasure me both heart and soul, to hold me in my sleep.

When I saw you I was overjoyed, my search at last concluded,

Who knew that I would come to find that I was just deluded?



Because as we grew together something still kept us apart,

I have your body and your mind, but I'll never have your heart.

And I still wish that we could have that true love and forever,

But reality stole my happy ending, leaving me with never.



And if you asked, what would I say?

Would I dare to throw it all away?

Would yes be right? Or is it no?

But we never ask, so on we go.



And still I know that in the end,

You're not my lover but my friend.

This is the truth that I despise

When I suddenly realize:



We're not in love.
I would want to live longer...


I came to you the hour I was in pain


Looking for answers, I cried to you in vain.



I shared the many skeletons hiding in my heart,

I knew then you'd be my friend,

I knew it from the start.



Troubles ran like rivers, flowing through my life,

You picked the pieces up and help me through my strife.



When home wasn't home to me no more,

You opened up your heart, and opened up the door.



We cried into night until the early morn.

We solaced each other's pain and shared our many thorns.



As time flew, the air grew thick,

I saw our friendship fading, and my heart grew sick.



The day had arrived,

When it was time to say goodbye.



Now I sit alone,

reminiscing the past I'd blown.
I would want to live longer...


My soul is the piano, her words are the keys.


Together we compose, the best of symphonies.

How my soul replays her words of the day.

Like a composer writing a play.



I hear the music, as she strikes a key.

an orchestra, is what I see.



Two soul that share a common ground.

a friendship they have found.



What is a piano, without the player.

It's like a soul, without a desire.



It sits alone in the dark,

waiting for someone to light a spark.



A hope or a desire,

waiting for someone to inspire.



To play a song of the heart,

a song of two souls that will never depart
I would want to live longer...


who would forgive me for all that I've done?


you say it was sin, but I say it was fun.



you are the people so much "better" than me.

but I am the light that someday you'll see.



all that you are is less than I am,

for what you'll try not to change I know that I can.



always you try to live by rule and by law,

so caught up in perfection you trip and you fall.



I have the strength to remain steady and fast,

because I live each moment as though its my last.



you take too much pride in winning that you weep at defeat,

when you fall I remain at my feet.



you think you'll go far with your hopes and your dreams,

and forget that tomorrow may not be what it seems.



you say I'm so wrong and you are so right,

you wun blindly to love and away from a fight.



but love is a deception; a trick for the weak,

a game and a joke that words cannot speak.



so chase after that rainbow and get lost in your hope,

and I'll be here in reality where you could not cope.



you'll never forgive me for all I have done,

because what you say is sin I know is just fun
I would want to live longer...


The hate I feel inside,


Is ready to come out,

But I must not let it,

I hate how people think they know me,

I hate how people think they understand me,

I hate how they lie to me,

I hate how I have to hide my tears,

I hate how I keep everything inside,

I hate how I lie to everyone,

I hate how nobody knows me,

I hate how I have to keep my life a secret,

I hate how I can't trust anyone,

I hate how this world goes around,

And each day people are suffering,

I hate how I feel,

I hate how there are people starving,

I hate who I am,

I hate how I am,

I hate how my life is a fake,

I hate how I am a fake,

A liar,

I hate how I'm sitting here now,

And writing all this,

For others to see,

Yet the people I know will never know who I am,

Because they would not understand,

I hate how they say they will,

When we all know they wouldn't,

I am burning with hate,

Hate that I know will not go away,

Not even as I write,

This hate beyond anything I have ever felt,

Hate that I must hide,

For they would not understand why I have so much hate inside,

And that I feel like screaming,

Until I can get all out,

The tears that I hide,

Also come from the hate that I feel,

And this hate that is aching to come out,

To show its ugly face,

Upon this world,

And I cannot let that happen,

But as each day goes by my hate grows more and more each day,

The hate I feel inside,

Is ready to come out,

But I must not let it,

Not yet


I would want to live longer...


how can i sleep tonight?
how
how can i when i no i am going to wake up the same way tomorrow?
i fear tomorrow...
i no im going to wake up to this life of mine in which i wished was just an illusion just a dream
all day i go
without a simple hello
which would simply make my day
just to see and hear someone say
i care, ill be there
maybe just maybe someone who loved me?
is that to much to ask?
if it is im sorry its not like i ever asked for anything else
the loneliness kills me
all day i go
and no one ever knows
im crying on the inside
I CANT EVEN PRETEND ANYMORE!
I CANT FUCKIN FAKE A SMILE
I CANT FUCKING FAKE IM OK...
people lie to me
people cheat me
....when all i want is for them to be a friend
IM SORRY I DONT NO WHAT I DID BUT I APOLOGIZE
...for everything ive done
everything i havent done
...everything i have yet to do
i am terrified i dont know wat to do with wat im feeling
who can i talk to if i have no one?
i only no to hurt myself.
i only no to cut and carve wat i feel...
all my pain
all my depression
all my agression into me
my legs, my wrists, my arms..
oh god why me...
just kill me
oh god why me...
JUST FUCKING TAKE AWAY MY LIFE OF MISERY
wat person derserves to live like this....
im not a person im worthless shit...
im just a waste, i dont want to continue to live
if i'll never be something or someone
my fear of tomorrow has overtaken and won.
I would want to live longer...


cant stand the sight of you


im supposed to love you

but i dont

im supposed to respect you

but i dont

i hate you more then you could ever believe

my loath for you runs through out my veins

it runs through out my blood

it runs through out my body

im supposed to care about your well being

i couldnt care less

your a waste of my time and energy

you lied so many times

and still i forgave

again, time after time again, i gave you another chance to be apart of my life

i realized your not needed

your not fuckin wanted

your not fuckin loved

i saw you walking down the street today

i couldnt even fuckin pick my head up too look at you

i wanted to

i wanted to say all these things to you

but i didnt, i held back my tears instead

i could fucking watch you die right now

and not care at all

id smile, while inside im laughing with joy, overwhelmed with happiness

you could be in pain, suffering bleeding to death

and id turn the other way.

i fuckin despise you more then anything

how does that feel?

fuckin tell me how does that feel knowing your the thing i hate the most

i opened my arms to you

i opened my heart

i tried to let you in

you stabbed me in the back

because of you i am the way that i am

i hate everyone

ive learned not to trust

ive learned no one is ever worthy of a second chance

its a pity of the person youve become.

you look like shit now, your turning into nothing

no, youve always been nothing

AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE NOTHING

im fuckin stupid for letting you cause me all this pain for so long

im fuckin stupid for letting you bring me down

how does it feel, to be so fucking hated by everyone?

i hope it feels good, because my hate towards you will never be brought down

i will hate you till the day i die

this i promise you....
I would want to live longer...


We all start over,


this time with a new game

one that isn't made

the way you would think,

a game of wits

not of lust,

a game you can't win,

one I will never lose

not to one I almost hate,

this game will never be done

as long as your words

still echo in my head,

but know this is only a game,

revenge would kill

not just leave you wounded,

while I laugh you cry

wondering what has happened

to the sweet boy

you once knew,

he died for the last time

never to be resurrected again

all because of your games

and your lies,

hate what you see

and know it is what you made,

a game that you can't win

a boy that will laugh at your pain,

your old salvation

now shall be your damnation
I would want to live longer...


Love isn't real


It's all just a gag

It is the world's cruelness

Of showing us something we can't have



No matter how much you think it's there

It isn't real

Because it only takes a split second

Before its a done deal



There is no way to win

You'll lose, you're fucked

Might as well not try

Might as well give up



It's not worth the time

No matter how good it seems

It's just your mind playing tricks

It's all just a dream
I would want to live longer...


I HATE being patient, but I’ve got more of it than anyone else I know


I HATE having to put my self aside for something else,

but I care enough to do it

I find myself filled with a lot of that lately... this… Hate…

It sounds so weird to say it out loud… Hate…. It doesn’t have a nice feeling.

I HATE

It’s just not me.

It’s not how I want to be.

It doesn’t sound right coming out of my mouth.

It doesn’t sound right swirling through my head

why is it that I find myself constantly forcing that word out of my head.

I hate that…

there it is again,

lately It creeps up on me.

I know what causes it. I’m tired.

I’m tired of being patient and putting myself second

second for you

I hate you

I don’t hate you.

I hate the power you seem to have over me

I hate that I can’t hate you.

I feel helpless,

The words echo through my head. They echo through the room.

The room

This room.

I hate this room.

The room you so kindly took the time to build for me.

the room in my head.

once my sanctuary.  now my enemy.

I hate this room.

I’m forced to sit in this damp windowless room.

there is no way out. Not yet anyways.

I have to wait.

wait  And be patient.

wait…

for you.
I would want to live longer...


come and seek me,


in the darkness I will wait,

indestructible,

with no memories to care,

with no purpose so gentle,

to care

only one mission,

destroy all,

but one...

me..



I am a killing beast,

missions of war are my priority,

to kill everyone,

but me,

crimson curtains and walls.

all are quiet,

resting.

not a sound..

only my breath,

Heartless,

nothing more,

but Heartless..



this is a tragic story of one so cold,

and lone.

How can someone be so Heartless?
I would want to live longer...


In desperation I search, trying to find myself I look.


I search and search, for my heart is lost I search.

Too scared to run too scared to move.

Paralyzed by pain and fear I search.

I fight to live as I stager at the pain.

I sit beside me staring at what I see.

I shake my head at what I made me.

I fight to not listen at the pain I created.

The pain I will always see.

As I twitch in emptiness my eyes begin to see.

The more they find the more it hurts.

They look at me as a piece of meat.

Trembling legs, week arms, and scars from defeat.

I fight my self because of what I see.

It's me I'm looking at and me that won’t succeed.

I stare and look, searching for answers, for that I concede.

I shred my self and my sole with my eyes.

They are too strong for me for that I am paralyzed.

I see my hands as the grasper of pain.

They are the retriever of all I have received from me.

As my hands fight back I see.

I am only what I want to be, and I still have a chance to defeat me.
I would want to live longer...


I want to cry


I want to scream

I want to tell you mostly

I hate that I'm so afraid of everything

I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can't have

I hate that you let me go before I got even got to say goodbye

I wish that you would come back to me

I wish I were strong enough to say no to you

I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left

I need to move on says my head

I need to hold on says my heart

I need to decide says my mind

I envy the way this hasn’t hurt you at all

I envy her

I envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all

I want to hurt you

I want to be with you

I want this nightmare to be over

I wish I could make things they were before you

I wish I could change time

I wish I could change you

I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me

I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted

I need you out of my thoughts

I need you out of my heart

I need to start doing things for me

I hate that you used me

I hate that I gave you something I can never have back

I hate that I wasted it with you

I'm tired of hoping aimlessly for you

I'm tired of wanting something I can't have

I'm tired of hurting me for things that aren’t my fault

I'm sorry I was good enough

I'm sorry I defended you when everyone else was right

I'm sorry I couldn’t make you happy

Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me,

for breaking me,

for not loving me
I would want to live longer...


my friend once told me something...didn't think it was true when i first heard it..but after going through the process yeh it's true....he said "life changes love changes...n sometimes your closest friends become strangers" true said true said....


lets say YOU have a friend (whether you were a guy or a girl)

a really REALLY close one....

you have loads of fun together go out do things etc...

you believe in that friend n that friend believes in you...

you'd do anything to that person...n that person'd do anything for you..or at least thats what is obvious

sometimes little problems are just the trigger to a huge fight...n then fall out...

What if that close friend of urs did something bad to you (but thats only what you think)

and that friend didn't actually do it..but you still Act in a way that is #$#$(#$ way...

how about you try to put your self in their shoes???

and a really good friend came to you and said " no i didn't do it!!!

and you say you believed them...

YET hold a grudge against them....

YET you talk behind their backs

YET YET YET.....too many to be mentioned here...

do you expect them to do???

put ur self back into your own shoes....

what would you do???

after the Apologize you've presented...

after the talks u've done to prove that it wasn't you...

what would you do...

Now take a look from another angle....

assume your not one of these 2 good friends n are just watching it from distance...

what would you say???

what would you think??

i personally think it pushes you into not believing that true friendships do exist...

i personally think that if thats true then friendship is just a word we've created in order to make life easier

and in order to make it a better place to live...

although there are a few that are enjoying the bless of friendship

the majority aren't

in my opinion..

never knock on a door that was slammed on your face...

never Present apologies when you know it wasn't you...

Never feel sorry for ending up that phase...

Never Ask your self oh god what did i Do...

Never Ask Why a friend has gone..

Never Feel like you've lost someone if you didn't do it...

one day you'll find a friend who perfectly fit...

who's gone is gone..

who's walked away has disappeared

isn't that what you feared??

if you called their name & got no response...

don't feel sad...it's not because You are bad...

it's because of what you've never had...

a True friend...because true friends never walk away..

friendship isn't a play..

a "friend" isn't just a word to say...

it's way more than that...

If you followed your friend...and your friend continued walking...

don't you beat your self down and feel like chocking

you done your part...now u've fallen apart..

Love Does change so does life...but friends once they're made...they should be there for eternity...

Too bad we've awaken from our dream..where colors are alive...

where love isn't myth

where friendships do exist...

where a tear never drops..

where a broken heart isn't drawn...

where you and your friend haven't fallen apart..
I would want to live longer...


You took my hand,
pulled me back up to stand.
But then you laughed with all of them.
I tried to see,
passed it off as pity.
But then you smiled and winked at me.
All confusing, mind left musing
and then I wonder why I care.
Strange this feeling, I try concealing
as you pass by me unaware.
Another game,
another day of shame.
Yet still this feeling can't be tamed.
When you walk by,
you wink and smile so sly.
And deep inside I want to die.
Anger burning, this foolish yearning
I swear to god I won't give in.
Past still hurting, I'm slow but learning
that if I do you'll truly win.
More fists of pain,
my blood a common stain.
It feels so good out in this rain.
A gentle touch,
this voice I hate so much.
Strange that your face could look so crushed.
You say sorry, I reply leave me,
you stare confused and ask me why.
I explain simply, and unforgiving,
until your brown eyes start to cry.
You pull me up,
into a tender hug.
And say your sorry for so much.
I couldn't show,
how you made my heart glow,
just hugged you back and said I know.
I would want to live longer...


What do you do


When you're dancing on the border?

How do you live,

With complete disorder?



If you know the truth,

That with every day's light,

Sanity will bleed out,

It's an ongoing fight,



Laugh and be normal,

Cry or breakdown,

It's a game of survival,

So just try not to drown,



While hearts will bleed,

Minds only shatter,

People are glass,

This sanity mere tatters,



Presume to know,

Some cool guy's life,

No cuts, has it easy,

Can't possibly know strife,



That guy has cuts,

You will never see,

A broken heart, fractured mind,

Shut up and let him be,



When all you can see,

Is the physical perfection,

Don't ever doubt,

The mind may have infection,



If every day is a battle,

Fought against the mind,

How do you stand,

When all help is blind?



Whispers in hallways,

Does no one see?

There's sadness in his eyes,

he has pain just like you and me,



he won't play for sympathy,

Or write a goodbye note,

Who can reach out,

When the mind has lost hope?



He won't pick up a knife,

Pills are not the kind,

Doesn't need a bridge,

It's suicide of the mind,



Would have stopped,

Had someone cared to smile,

Was everyone too busy?

Is he not worthwhile?



Disease of the body,

Sickness of the heart,

This mind wasn't fragile,

Always and from the start,



Whispered words,

Mocking looks and cold sneers,

Doesn't anyone know,

Can't anyone hear?



He has a heart too,

Just because he won't complain,

Don't ever assume,

Words can't cause pain,



Hate and disinterest,

Have finally pushed him,

Is there anyone who cares?

He's on the border.
I would want to live longer...


I had the best thing

Anyone could ever ask for

I lost it in time

Pierced me to the core

My love for you so great

I was blinded

As if i forgot my heart could break

I once knew a love so beautiful

My heart could not believe

But it fell for a thief

Stolen from my chest

I can no longer breathe

All i once knew

Ripped from my life

Laughing evilly

At my bitter hate

No longer shall I fall

For i am strong

And what i once knew

Was all so wrong
I would want to live longer...


There's an empty hole in my once strong heart


If I don't get you back I'm sure it'll break apart

What's wrong with me? I thought I was getting over you?

Now I don't know what's for the best like I used to do



When we laid there and promised we'd never stop loving each other I meant it

You've really captured my vulnerable heart, every single bit

In the end promises are made to be broken

I feel so pathetic and sad now that I know there are no words ever to be spoken



Whenever I look in the sky and see a dove soaring high

I'll always remember you and maybe cry

I can't wait to hate you

But for now, I guess I'll have to carry on feeling blue
I would want to live longer...


To search for the person you once were,


Would be a journey into myself

A journey that would cause more pain,

in the end.



To accept the person you are now,

Is to finally notice the changes in my soul

A lot of changes that I never would wish,

upon any being.



To forget what we once has,

Could only bring war upon ourselves,

A war that no one would come out of;

alive.
I would want to live longer...


I'm just a fadeing memory


left to rot and dissaper.

I really needed you but you left.

I don't Cry

but I bury it inside

It hurts.

I'm just a distant memory

waiting to be Forgotten

You never needed me

But I always needed you

It's sad isn't it?

It hurt's.

I'm just floating down the street

Waiting for someone to help me

But you don't care, do you?

It's so Painful.

But it doesn't matter that

It hurts.Ok?

It just hurts.

Just LEAVE ME ALONE!

I just don't want to get hurt.
I would want to live longer...


Who can I believe? When everyone is telling lies?
Who can I trust? When nobody seems real.
Who can I love? Without my heart being broken?
Where can I go when I'm not needed?
When will my questions be answered with true words and not from those of a liar?
Or will they forever be forgotten? Brushed off like no big deal.
Like my feelings of hurt and pain?
Can I ever truly be healed?
Or am I forever cursed with this aching heart?
I would want to live longer...


Standing alone in the middle of the street

Hoping you were here so we could meet
Once again but without the lies
Tonight right here a part of us dies
Every day we shall stand
Together right here holding hands
But one day you decided not to show
I turn and look at you but you do not glow
The same radiant way I first meet you
You have lied to me so I guess we’re though
Because your love was a giant lie
so you can just shut up, apologize and
Die.
I would want to live longer...


Deep within this flesh and bones …


A raging monster screams…

The pain has colored all my dreams…

My heart is full of bitter tears…

I need the end ..I need an eternal sleep …

I really need this ease…

For no more pain that I've held for years…

Numbing me from the inside …

My heart no longer beats…



This raging monster yearns for an end…

This monster screams to be set free…

Screaming "no more life for me "

Please god set my tortured soul free…

From my bitter destiny I do flee…

For I am condemned with a spell..

To never feel alive…I am dead from the inside…

So why to live ? while it's an unbearable torment …

Why we must be Slaughtered by this cursed life …

It seems my mind is a prison …

That I can't break free….

I am the leading role of this tragedy …

I am the king of agony…

here is nothing but pain…

simply nothing more to gain …

we are all going insane …



Farewell now as we enter our darkness...

Leaving behind all this emptiness…

We are falling ..

Falling …

Falling…

Deep to this ocean of sorrow …

So beautiful...

We are falling ..

The sky is smiling...

smiling!

Finally ,salvation has come

But pain still grows...

And the sun has gone …

My life... it cries to be free,

And the burning sky that I once was falling from ..

still, suffering with ME ..!
I would want to live longer...


Staring up at the ceiling
Thinking about how you hurt my feelings
No regrets
I don't forget
Revenge going through my mind
I don't have time to be kind
Cause I feel like coloring outside the lines
I've hidden my inhibitions
Cause right now I'm in a bad condition
So just listen
There was a rumor that you said
My love is so expose...
Though I know that you're so inept
The heart you broke I forever kept
And even though you cracked our love stone
My love to you I've always shown
But now I can't take it anymore
The love has drifted beyond the shore
The lack of innuendo that you insinuate
Which I believe is hate
That broke through the tide
All because you lied
I fell on my knees and cried
This situation stays undefined
Can't hide behind a hyperbole
Cause I know, you're the heart of my soul
Making me whole...
Once again
Looking over the window sill
My heart, it's taking too long to heal
Heart breaking
Heart aching
This time I'm not faking
I thought we were alright
I thought our love was tight
But that's way out of sight
And now my words are like kryptonite
Yea, I feel tainted
This subtle picture, I painted
Thought the meaning is vague, its still vivid
It was sold
My soul got run of the road
There was no warmth, I grew cold and froze
But then the silhouette of my facade appeared
Now I am greatly feared
Don't need no one to validate me
Because now I'm free
Endowed with power, which made me rigorous
Inhabitant with a demon, that made me sour and vigorous
But all that disappeared when I regained a steady status
And no more was I useless
Dreams come
Dreams go
But my dreams are getting a little bigger
My wings growing wider
I'll fight
I'll reach the heights
Drop me in the middle
So upon the world I can make a ripple
Let the sun illuminate my panorama
Let me start some drama
Let the love effect the karma
Don't let hate get in the way
Make love forever stay
Bittersweet love
Falling from the clouds above
Its rain washing away my pain
You don't understand
Then let me give you a cue
I don't love you
But then again I do
This is just a quick insinuation
A personal declaration
Fly away little white dove
This is no place for you
When there's bittersweet love
I would want to live longer...


Trying to put the hurt behind.
Trying so hard to clear my mind.
Putting on a smile, trying to make it real.
Working to evaporate the pain I feel.
I've been hurting people I care for.
I've been trying to search for something more.
I'm a murderer killing friendships one by one.
But I'm dropping the knife, I'm done.
hope you understand how much I need you here.
I really need you to help battle the fear.
How can I be sure that you won't leave?
Will you break the heart that I wear on my sleeve?
I'm handing it to you against my will.
The thought of trust gives me a chill.
I'm afraid of falling, but I know you'll catch me.
I'm sorry for all the pain I made you see.
Once again, I never mean to cause you pain.
I just wandered off my path and went insane.
I'm crawling my way back to common ground.
Secretly wishing there was a way you could be around.
Can you break through the walls I built so high?
Can you give me a million and one reasons why?
Don't follow behind me, walk beside.
Hold my hand, and at the end of each day know how hard I tried.
All for you, and not really me.
Because only you accept the hurt I see..
I would want to live longer...