Dear Momma and Papa,


I hope you know I loved you,

I tried to let my light shine through,

But only darkness came,

And it put me to shame.

I can't be your perfect child,

I wasn't tame, I was wild,

And through the years that I spent,

I wish I knew where they went,

From year one to five it was a blur,

But I accepted it, I said,"Sure,"

But year six I began school,

I began to break the rules,

A's meant more to you than my life,

You didn't care about my strife,

Come year seven I had few friends,

None of them lasted to the end,

Hello eight so many fights,

I lost all my childhood rights,

Lies and rumors filled my mind,

And none were too kind,

I found the truth out from you,

I was adopted and unwanted too,

From other people that gave me up.



Welcome nine I see you well,

But far too much for me to tell,

Quiet and quiet was I,

It was hard to say good-bye,

Laughter ringing in the air,

Not that anyone gave a care,

Ten was better I guess you could say,

I was used to the pain of day,

No friend to talk and laugh about,

Only cries, yells, and shouts,

Eleven wasn't that much better,

Except I learned of a new letter,

H is for hate I soon found out,

One no one noticed or cared about,

Twelve came and went real slow,

More lies and rumors for my friends to know,

Hello loneliness welcome back,

Here's my heart cold and black.



Thirteen was better I choose to say,

I laughed more everyday,

To cover my screams deep inside,

I wished I would just off and die,

That year I hated my life,

So I began to befriend the knife,

And blood began to run all round,

Not a cry was heard, Not a drop was found,

And that year I knew it true,

I wasn't good enough to belong to you,

I hated myself for all I did,

I had hated myself since I was a kid,

You dismissed those feelings left unsaid,

Saying,"Not true, go to bed,"

I shut my door and cried my eyes,

And wished that I had never heard the lies,

Maybe the world would be happier yet,

If it was me they never met,

So I didn't talk, I didn't tell,

And come fourteen I'd be in hell.



Good day fourteen,

Now be a good boy and let's be seen,

The boy who messed up so much,

The boy who was cold to the touch,

The boy who cried alone at night,

The boy who couldn't see the light,

The boy who was the parents mistake,

The boy who chose to fake,

The boy who hid his inner cries,

The boy that tonight dies,

The boy that at fourteen died,

The boy that committed suicide,

The boy that won't be missed,

The boy that no girl wanted to kiss,

The boy that never made it a day,

Passed fourteen now the boy is in his 20's all he wanted to say.



Good-bye my family, my home, and my friends,

I guess for me this is the end,

But not too late I asure you tonight,

Tonight I will see the light,

I won't be in pain any longer I hope,

I had to die so please just cope,

I doubt you'll cry but if you do,

Please don't cry I loved you,

I never hated you I want you to know,

I hated myself so please just go,

Be happy and live and laugh and be,

And I'll be happy I'm finally free,

Momma and Papa I love you too,

I wanted to thank especially you,

For the house over my ungrateful head,

For food, family, and a warm safe bed,

Thank you for all you love,

You guys were sent from above,

Sorry I couldn't be what you wished for,

I wish I could have given more,

I shall make just one last word,

I wish to be heard,

I never wanted to hurt anybody.



Love,

Your Angel
I would want to live longer...


Don't know what’s going on
I thought I was fine
But I guess nothing’s over
It’s time to be jolly
To laugh, love and play
I'm just crying
I just want to die
My friends.....
I don't know them anymore
My parents... hate me
I look in the mirror
And despise all that is me
I mean, c’mon
I'm writing a lame, self-pitying poem
I'm not worth it anymore
I don't expect anyone to read this
No one’s going to turn to me
And offer a helping hand
Truthfully it doesn’t matter
One day I’ll be dead
Then you don't have to bother
With my self-centred drivel
I would say sorry to my friends
If I believed that they care
Quite frankly I can’t deal
With their bullshit anymore
Everyone said you have to open up
Tell people how you feel
Well I did, my friends
I told them I was ready to die
Suicide note, razor and all
They clearly don't know me
Because the next day
I lie; I say I'm fine
They actually believe me
I just fucking told them
I wanted to commit suicide
And they think it’s all gone
Just like that... I wish
But it doesn’t work like that
It’s going to be with me, forever
According to them
I'm a bad person
Because I'm shy and
I have low self-esteem
So I'm clearly not worthy
Of their fucking acquaintance
It’s not my bloody fault
Just look at me
Read this pile-of-shit poem
I can’t keep lying
I try... I know, hard to believe right?
I smile for them lie for them
We all do don’t we?
And it’s all my fault
It’s always my fucking fault
So you know what
Why don't I just leave?
Make it easier for y’all
Nobody going to miss me
I wouldn’t, if I were them
My parents wont mind either
I'm the failure of the family
Why not really?
But, shall I wait till after Year ends?
So they can enjoy this festive season
Yes, I should. Wouldn’t want to ruin
Their afternoon tea and cake now would I?
That’s settled then I'm going to kill myself
Can anybody give me a reason not to?
No. Didn’t think so
And now the lights will go out



Good night…
I would want to live longer...


Tossing and turning


again i can't sleep.

Nightmares again

plauge my dreams.

When will this end?

The suffering

and the pain.

It seems everytime i trust

it gets thrown back

in my face.

I know i made bad choices

things i regret.

But haven't i

paid back any of my debt?

Does it make sense

to relive it all over agian?

I'm so tired

i want to give up.

But i know

i'm really stuck.

Just please let me go

let me finally sleep.

Please let the pain fade away

and let me have my final day..
I would want to live longer...


In the blink of an eye


my whole world turned upside down

i let three simple words destroy my life

now reality is what i've found

i no longer live in that fairytale i use to dream about

instead

everything i've ever dreamed of or invision i now doubt

my thoughts tangled up,my mind confused,my feelings are hurt,my heart is abused

days go by and these feelings stay the same

while she sits at home i'm the one who gets blamed.

trouble unravels

words are exchanged, im causing everyone trouble and for that i

am ashamed.

i use to tell myslef beautiful is what you are,then her words

broke me months later and still i am scared

i let go at one time then i came back

In the Blink of an Eye

my life crumbled yet again just like that

i took a step out of myself just to evaluate now i

realize everything said,everything she claimed to be

was fake.

if i could take it all back, live the lesson i have now learned

in the blink of an eye i would never return,

return back to a time where lying and decieving ran

amok in my head where each and every day i would dread.

I tell myself someday i will look back at this and laugh

but for rite now i have to live with my actions

as well as the aftermath

NEVER EVER to God,my family,myself will i do the same mistakes again

because my life could change forever in just

One Blink of an Eye.
I would want to live longer...


I sit here and think of how we should be..


and I think of why we aren't..

the sun is setting and the sky is crying..

I wish I could say that the moisture on my cheeks is the rain..

but that would be a lie.

I wish the rain could wash away the guilt.

and the unknowns of what the future holds.

But thats not gonna happen..

we're too far gone.

and we cant turn back.

I wish I could believe

that you'll always love me.

but I can't..

because Love isn't forever..

it's only for the moment...

and I know that if I was to die tonight..

that you wouldnt care...

you wouldnt think twice about me..

you wouldn't be at my funeral

wishing I was alive.

you wouldn't be there looking in my casket

wishing I could breathe..

wishing I could look up and smile at you.

because you never cared..

because my fake smile faded..

melted into the plastic of my heart.

and the darkness of my soul.

the smile I wore is gone

replaced by the tears.

the strong wall of my emotions has fallen.

and I don't know how to rebuild it.

I can only hope he's as good as I am..

because you'll never have a guy as good as me...

I'm one of a kind...

best believe..

that these tears I shead are not for you

but are for me.
I would want to live longer...


Ever feel like breaking down


'Cause you feel so lonely?

But when you go out

you get disappointed. . .

Everyone says taking risks end up good

But what do you risk if there is nothing to risk for?

You go out and risk

But what you risked if your happiness

And it just stabbed you in the back

Ever feel like no one understands you

And you feel out of place

So, you be alone just to feel in place

And it turns out you feel alone and out of place again

So, you tell people and they try to help

But nothing they do actually helps

Because sure you feel 'happy'

But then you return to that empty room in that empty house

And after all that you feel lonely again

I guess like just goes in circles. . .
I would want to live longer...