How do you save a life

That’s already lost?
How do you help a friend
That wants to die, at any cost?
How do you heal a heart
That’s already broken?
How do you stop the words
That were already spoken?
How can you help everyone
When you’re just one guy?
How do you let go
When you've got no wings, to fly?
I would want to live longer...


I'm crying as I write this

A razorblade kiss
Gently creates crimson ribbons
Down my torn little wrist
I'm so stereotypical, aren't I?
Well I don't really care
I'm in pain that I'll lock away
Because I don't want to share
This is my life, isn't it?
Then why don't I feel in control?
Why does this depression
Rip right through my soul?
I say I need to regain confidence

It's so much more than that

I need to find myself, where did I go?

Why do I feel so bad?

Blood, pain, anger, self-hatred

Cliche emotions, no?

I hate feeling like this

But there's no other feeling I know
I would want to live longer...


*I’ve sadly created a hologram disaster of little hundred alien secrets. They are taken over and I can feel my mind being over flooded. I’m a wicked scientist, mixing up evil potions of disastrous imaginings of distrust. Struggling to keep the bomb from exploding, spilling out centuries of obscure secrets and ripping my cover, I need to destroy the bomb magnet that’s been pulling more new victims of self-destruct. And free I’ll be from this game of torture.*










No it can’t be found out





My joy! My creation! In my heart I shout





Yea, it tortures my mind when it is being tampered with





Now I have to be careful and think swift





It’s my game and I only know the rules





Master of disguise will trick these fools





Leave the merchandise alone





It’s a master piece, an art of disaster, my personal clone





But since you’ve come too close you are in trouble





A mixture of chocolate bombs of hate rolled into a double





It’s my fault I’ve mixed you in with sweet cherries and making my desire rumble





Now you’ve become molded, the cook must throw you away





You are nothing but useless clay





This is my dream, my image, my snare





It’s time for a revenge from my secret nightmare
I would want to live longer...



I would want to live longer...


I've done all that I can,


But how can I trust again,

When on the inside,

Everything is confusion and pain,

I just don't know how,

To mildly forget and forgive,

Turn the other cheek,

When I've nothing more to give,

Except the scars I bear,

The masque of my tired soul,

And the laughing insanity,

That devours me whole,

So whence my redemption,

Absolution from life,

A cut away,

The wrist caresses the knife,

The betrayal complete,

And the circle come closed,

So total and utter,

More than I ever supposed,

The greater the trust,

The higher the fall,

Hastening the end,

That comes to us all.
I would want to live longer...


I fell asleep smiling, I woke up in a trance




Beautifully haunted by a conflicting romance



The constellations painting the night fall into her lies



Contradictive affection, innocence I despise







There’s a unique tranquility wrapped around me



Pulling me into its bottomless sea



Just another figment of his imagination, another goodbye



Falling through the cracks of sweetness, good intention gone awry







I dreamt of suicide yesterday; today I don’t want to die any less



But still, I am smiling, to my heart’s content



It beats without breaking, it bleeds without aching



Another ironic melody



There’s nothing worth saving, she’s all that you’re hating



Even if you wanted to help, there’s nothing left of me.







I fell asleep with the knife in hand, I fell asleep crying



But when I awoke the knife was gone; I found myself smiling



Because I know, the celestial gate of my dreams is approaching



Only one more day of this agonizing pain, only one more day of loathing







I’m sick of the truth, I’m sick of the lies



I’m sick of the smiles, I’m sick of the cries



I’m sick of the darkness, I’m sick of the light



I’m sick of what’s wrong, I’m sick of what’s right







I’m taking myself away into the night



Forever never seemed so close



Just another silly fantasy where innocence is despised



That's diminishing along with the falling snow







I fell asleep smiling, I woke up in a trance



You wanted to survive? This is your last chance...
I would want to live longer...


Remember Remember Fifth Of November......


Catching flies in his mouth 
Tasting freedom while he dares 
Then crawling back to the top of the stairs 
He won't see the sun again for years to come 
He's broken out in love 

Like a cat without a care 
Roaming freely through the streets 
You could find him in amongst the pigeons in the square 
But he won't see the sun again for years to come 
He's broken out in love
I would want to live longer...


as i write this, been about 2 years since i last blogged, now that i'm back.. Asana.. is back.. with a bang not really, still the same old, same old.. people around me keep telling me,  C'est La Vie.. but i beg to differ, Life isn't a dream, it's just a goal to gain.. why do i exist.. why do the thing i do.. change for the better? or for the worse? Hate made me, Hate made me Exist, hate gave me a reason.. to live a life.. despite the fact hate will destroy one ownself. just look at Anakin Skywalker, with that said and done.. it has written therefore it will come to pass, each day is living hell for me, i thrive on that.. but as everybody knows hate will begets hate.. thus continues my journey in life with violin in my hand, hate as my armor.. only this nothing more.. Quote Asana, Nevermore..
I would want to live longer...


What if you were me?

For just one day
Seeing life through a distorted view
Wondering how it got that way?
You see that person over there?
One of the many responsible for my hurt
That contemptible vindication of a human
You surmise me as unrelentingly harsh and a Loose Cannon
Words hurt my friend…healing or killing at will
Words can heal or kill
Oh but you should know this all to well!
Feel the wrath of your painfully virulent words digesting me to the core
Would you then feel ashamed?
Would you break down and cry?
Do even realize the damage you’ve done!
You pushed me and pushed to the very edge!
It killed me…I MEAN IT GODDAMN KILLED ME INSIDE!
It depressed me to mental suicide
And YOU caused ME to DIE!
To pay for your MISTAKES!
To take my life that night
What is your excuse?!
WHY…oh why I plead down on my knees!
Did you have the need to destroy something beautiful?!
But you will never know what you truly did
I doubt you even care
As I watch you from above, Rage rushing out of me
Sometimes I even wonder...do you notice I’m gone?
My final question for you
If someday we trade shoes
A feeling I’ll never know
How does it feel to know you took someone’s life?
I would want to live longer...



I fell asleep smiling, I woke up in a trance
Beautifully haunted by a conflicting romance
The constellations painting the night fall into her lies
Contradictive affection, innocence I despise



There’s a unique tranquility wrapped around me
Pulling me into its bottomless sea
Just another figment of her imagination, another goodbye
Falling through the cracks of sweetness, good intention gone awry



I dreamt of suicide yesterday; today I don’t want to die any less
But still, I am smiling, to my heart’s content
It beats without breaking, it bleeds without aching
Another ironic melody



There’s nothing worth saving, she’s all that you’re hating
Even if you wanted to help, there’s nothing left of me.
I fell asleep with the knife in hand, I fell asleep crying
But when I awoke the knife was gone; I found myself smiling
Because I know, the celestial gate of my dreams is approaching
Only one more day of this agonizing pain, only one more day of loathing



I’m sick of the truth, I’m sick of the lies
I’m sick of the smiles, I’m sick of the cries
I’m sick of the darkness, I’m sick of the light
I’m sick of what’s wrong, I’m sick of what’s right


I’m taking myself away into the night
Forever never seemed so close
Just another silly fantasy where innocence is despised
That's diminishing along with the falling snow
I fell asleep smiling, I woke up in a trance
You wanted to survive? This is your last chance...
I would want to live longer...


Dark nites dark days


I See shit in different ways, I do have a God to whom

I can praise,

They say he works in many ways, I have not yet seen one,

Shit has gotten alot worse from where

It begun, but still I don't run,

No questions answered?

Am I just the one to blame,

Trying to remain calm with my pride balled up in my palm,

Anger getting the best of me,

Life is eatting the rest of me,

In the end heartless is how I'm gonna be,

I can only take so much,

Before I go insane,

Shit i already did, life is a bid

I wish death was quick

Like with no notice wish I had a knife to cut my throat with

But the streets are....

So cold they so dark you can beg and plead but there's no need your all alone With no mead with many needs
 
No REAL friends



Barely got a mom got no dad you all alone..


I'm not feelin the same anymore

My life is black n grey like a old school corner store

Think about ending it everyday

I don't know if I can live with the pain

It's too deep to think any other way

I wish it would rain

I feel like im stuck in this drought

I know it's not right i need to find a new route



Stuck in the dark, sitting in a corner at night listen to how dogs bark,

Looking straight at nothin but then I see a spark.

Like a light, have my prayers been heard,

Just wanna feel like it's gonna be Alright.Is this real is this heaven, is this the end of my fight.

Can I rest properly tonight, one way ticket to?

The next life and I'm just not into missing my flight.


Nothing seems real,

I'm not able to feel,

The pain from begging on my knees,

I float above the ground like I'm on wheels,

sold my soul , thought that was the deal.

But now I'm by myself,

Living my life like a shadow was better for my own health,

I hear the voices surrounding me, they yell.

But well, this is my story to tell.
I would want to live longer...


I feel it creeping up again,

that appalling taste of death

It is seeping deep into my soul,

lingering on my breath



My eyes filled with such a darkness,

in this wicked black I see

A pitch I’ve never known before,

taking full control of me



Ever falling into the depths,

and I cannot find the light

Drifting so far from reality,

I’m cursed to walk the night



I keep searching for a hand to hold,

while drowning in these tears

Stumbling down this broken path,

I have walked so many years



While this emptiness consumes me,

all that‘s left is thought and ash

Into this hell I’ve fallen,

unto this bedrock I do crash



Unable to feel anything,

my memories fading fast

I have become nothing again,

set free from this life at last
I would want to live longer...



The full moon drips upon her heart,


with sorrow plain to see

She’s longing for those kisses soft,

that now will never be



As clouds roll in to ease the pain,

blown by a friendly wind

Wondering if this torment felt,

was born of times she sinned



Forever she has walked this path,

her soul has turned to dust

He’s been gone so long yet memories flow,

still feeling his lust



These tortured nights spend all alone,

are driving her to tears

Knowing that she wear this anguish,

throughout her final years



Bittersweet this love for him,

which tear her dreams of life

No words to aid or comfort,

she will never be a wife



Heightened are her thoughts of death,

with no solace to be found

Into this Hell she’s fallen,

in her dire tears she’ll drowned



Innocence now torn apart,

consumed with embittered hate

An empty shell is all she is,

unable to bear the weight
I would want to live longer...



I think I'm gonna choose this month

To say what I wanna say

So that I can finally close this chapter of my life

The life that made me turn my insides out

So I guess I'm intentionally dedicating this blog

To this particular person

Who became one of the catalysts that brought these great alterations

(And then later labeled, by me, as the huge fuckin' PARASITE!)

Lately I've been feeling kind of weird

So I'm assuming that this was around the time it all started

When you decided to take everything for granted

And started to stick your nose

Everywhere you felt that it belonged

I've got one thing to say to you

And that's

THANK YOU!

Thank You, thank You, Thank you!!!

Because everything wrong that happened, every thing that I thought was a curse

Were actually Great blessings in diguise

You helped me grow...

You taught me well...

I thought that you left me with nothing

I thought that you took the best part of me

But you know what?

Your lies, your accusations, and your evil deeds

Piece by piece

Tore all of my own defilements

And exposed the person that I never knew

ME

I am made new

because of you

You tried to crush me

You tried to burn me

And you did

With the intention of obliterating ME

But baby

I've gradually sparkled into something new...

I know that I shouldn't have gotten involved with you in the first place

But hey

Look where I'm standing

SHIT!

I'm still standing

I wouldn't be here

if it weren't for you...
I would want to live longer...




I am the true bitter Demon of the circle

The circle that I situate is closed off from all human existence.

They say that the circumference of a circle is a simple equation.

This equation they say is Circumference equals Pi times radius squared.

Not this circle, you feeble-minded scumbags.



You know nothing of my life you piece of no I’m not going to swear

You’re not even worth that.

Don’t try to tell me how to live my life

You can’t even control your own life.

There’s nothing wrong with living life in shadows.



It means I don’t have to see them and myself together.

That scene I cannot bear to witness unto

The reverence of my blinded life has no avail.

No room left in my hotel of nothingness.

Don’t attempt to get close to me; I won’t let you.



The possibility of catastrophic tension evolving is high.

I could care less for you and your disgusting point of view.

Your opinion doesn’t mean anything to me and my decayed soul.

If I wanted your advice I would have beat it out of you.

Violence is the only thing that keeps me insane.



I like feeling nothing at all.

No pain, misery or anger; one less thing I have to worry about.

The feeling of nothing feels good enough for me.

At least I cannot achieve happiness and get torn to shreds.

All I have known is immense pain and profuse misery.



So go and get the hell right out of my life.

You don’t have access here no more.

I have dispossessed you and your wretched feelings.

They and you mean absolutely nothing to me now.

I am my own man and I will live my life my own way.



Even if that means dressing to depress

Or even fighting fire with benzine.

I will forever fuel the fire that is already ablaze.

If it gets out of hand I will just cover it with my spite.

Don’t try to tell me this wrong.



Again I don’t care about you and your thoughts and opinions

About me and my life.

I could care even less about you and your life.

You couldn’t even handle the knowledge about my morose psyche.

This is me discharging animosity in discontent...
I would want to live longer...



YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME, YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME..

You will never know me, you are lost, scared.You think this is an illusion?

No,it's reality.


No more shall you hurt me,

Trespass over me and my dignity.

No more will you mock me

For now the flames of my raging fury

Shall torment you forever!



Ever heard of “torturing to insanity”?

Oh well,

You will know it anyway!



You think you are better than me,

More knowledgeable, more bright,

Well you can forget that now,

You can wish you never crossed my path,

Wish I were a mere nightmare,

But all your wishes will be petty ashes.

I am real!

And the pain I will cause you

Will be too real!



I will make your life a living-hell,

Draw you out of the crowd,

Humiliate you, like you did me;

Agony and misery will be your food and drink,

Torture will be your daily routine.

Your suffering will be my utmost pleasure!



I will be everywhere and in everything

You see, hear, feel, eat, drink and even dream and breathe!

My fury will bind you, burn you,

And when you scream

No one will care, no one will bother.

Your cries will be sucked into oblivion

And forgotten forever!



You think I lie?

That I am not up to my word?



TRY ME!!



I will writhe every single hope out of you.

Your life and your sleep will be an ever-lasting agony!



The pain, the torture,

The misery, the excruciation

That I will inflict upon you

Will be the most devastating,

The most destructive,

The most wrecking,

The most obliterating of all!!



I will haunt your dreams,

Spoil your joy,

Annihilate all your hope,

I will shatter your very existence!



Death would be your saviour,

Your refuge, your relief,

But I will never kill you,

NEVER!

I will torture you till your brain boils,

Till your heart explodes,

Till your soul fades,

And your sanity will be lost

Forever!



You will be a living corpse,

A vampire would have more feeling,

Would know passion

As opposed to you!



Oh, the living-hell

I will put you through,

Death will be a paradise lost

Never to be regained.

Life will be an excruciating

And ever-lasting inferno!



And I,

I am the one to do it ALL!!
I would want to live longer...